It is a rule in my life that my haircut always has to be cool.

I love the buzz of the electric clippers round my ears as my hairdresser Dennis the Menace fixes me up with the latest cool style.

My descriptive video is about a dumb kid who eats a mushroom that is a special species of intelligent fungus. The thing goes to his brain, of course, and he becomes super-intelligent. But does he give some to his girlfriend...? Tune in to the next exciting instalment of FUNJELLY THE INTELLIGENT FUNGUPUS.

I love art so when Ms Rubenach said I had to write a poem I decided to make it an art poem. Well, she called it a visual poem. I think Ms Rubenach said I ought to put it in some sort of competition but I didn't think it was good enough for that. One day I'll make the perfect picture. Then I won't mind what competition it goes in.

But about the visual poem...

I thought it should have some words to do with poems in it--like haiku, etc. Then I thought of the poem being written up on a billboard beside a highway. I started to think of my ideas about the Tar-baby (see my story) so then I thought: My Tar-baby portraits...just like that! In the end I could see in my mind that I was in a car driving past the billboard at night. Easy.

And now I must confess. I'm afraid of the dark. I will never forget the night of the 20 September 1994 (or probably it was early the next morning)...