Dear Sarah

If your question really is 'What can I do about it?' then the answer is:

'Not much. But a few things might help.'

I think your description of 'silent argument' is brilliant. It describes exactly what many people experience in families where every one is controlled and no one knows how to break the silence of anger and anxiety.

Although you are only one member of the family, you might improve things a little bit if you:

• Ask questions that have nothing to do with the current problem.
• Keep talking once you've started.
• Don't give meaningful looks when you're talking during a difficult time.
• Change the subject by doing something different.
• If you caused the problem then you talk about it first.
• Learn to lose your temper.
• Most importantly...

A final word.

If none of these things work you can still learn to remove the tension that is inside you--even if there's nothing you can do for the other members of your family. In private, practise shrugging your shoulders and feeling the tension fall away. Or you might try meditation. Or go and play ball!

All the best.

Yours sincerely